Some days I don’t feel qualified to be a mother. I straight up feel like I’m failing.
I find myself staring blankly unsure of my next move. I’m terribly indecisive as it is and now I’ve got to make decisions for two other human beings. Luckily, I’ve got a reliable sidekick to agree/disagree with the decision making, so that helps.
I know I’m not alone in these feelings. I speak to mothers all of the time who say, “I feel the exact same way.” Yet, we keep moving forward. We don’t abandon our lives or our children. We don’t run. We stay. We face the day. We do what we can. We use the tools that life has given us and not all of us have all the right tools. It just is what it is.
I read a quote earlier that said, “Cherish your children, they’re the footprint you leave behind.” At first I thought “that’s nice.” But then I thought, can we really say that our children are our footprints? I mean, I understand that experience, guidance and environment has obvious effects on children growing up. But I’ve witnessed people who grew up in awful homes turn out to be awesome people. Do those who gave poor guidance and protection get to claim the resourcefulness of the surviving child when they succeed in life?
How far can we claim “credit” for who our child turns out to be?
I’m not sure.
But I try, anyway, to raise my boys the right way.
And pray that the ugliness of the world doesn’t change their nature.
I won’t always be the decision maker and I won’t always win - but I will always love them.
Maybe that’s the footprint.